A face for radio
12.22.03 (8:26 pm) [edit]The only thing I dislike more than female BlackJack dealers are female radio DJs. I don't know what it is. They all sound the same, all try to sound seductive when announcing the Kiss / Aerosmith double bill, and all have nothing to say. Not that male radio DJs have much to say either.
In fact, the only radio DJ I will listen to is Joe Benson of Arrow 93.1 in LA. He actually has some information about the bands that I want to hear.
And before my female readers tune out, I'd like to say that other than BlackJack dealers and radio DJs, I like women just fine.
Free SAT Practice Test at www.aspenprep.com
12.22.03 (2:55 pm) [edit]Any tbloggers out there who are getting ready to take the SAT? Some friends of mine launched a site today called Aspen Prep. They offer a free, full-length diagnostic exam with a detailed score report. It really is quite cool.
Gladiator 2 : The Early Years
12.21.03 (8:18 pm) [edit]I heard rumor that they were making a sequel. Anyone else heard this one?
How might they bring Maximus back?
SEABISCUIT a Limper Biscuit than it needed to be
12.20.03 (10:02 pm) [edit]By now most people have already seen SEABISCUIT and, if the full-page ads in the LA Times are doing their job, are out and about seeing again.
I, however, being of a distinctly misanthropic nature of late, had not seen SEABISCUIT until last night, when I received it from Netflix.
I have to say, it was quite good. I was cheering at the television even when I knew the outcome -- a hallmark of all good sports movies (HOOSIERS, tops among them).
However, the Ken Burns narrated documentary that was intercut really bothered me. It was worse than voiceover in its exposition -- it was establishing setting so that the visuals of the film did not have to. In face, the first 45 minuts of the film was a jerky set of scenes whose entire purpose was to get bits of dialog out of the way that would be used for effect later in the film.
I love Ken Burns, and I would love that documentary on its own. And I would have liked SEABISCUIT more on its own. Together, it was average.
How many headlights does one need?
12.17.03 (8:20 pm) [edit]I'm tiring rapidly of seeing people driving around with four or more headlights. "Oh, they're fog lights," the spiky-haired Asian teenager with the souped up Civic might say.
I see no fog.
Outback Steakhouse vs. Jack in the Box
12.16.03 (9:07 pm) [edit]Which has a worse, more annoying ad campaign that they refuse to take off of the air?
busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest
12.15.03 (8:42 pm) [edit]My dad pulled this line out when I was in college and I about had a seizure. No, I'm not prone to seizure.
I think it adequately describes how I feel lately, and how most of us feel during the holidays.
Who conspired to put all the major American and Christian holidays back to freakin back to freakin back?
I mean, Jesus!
(That's both an exclamation and, I'm told, an answer.)
1-800-345-MARY
12.14.03 (8:03 pm) [edit]This phone number appeared on a billboard in my home town of Spokane, WA back in 1993.
Ten years later, the same recording still answers when you call the number.
Call it...it's an urgent message.
Evil Con Carne
12.13.03 (8:06 pm) [edit]My favorite t-shirt is one I made a few years back that has iron-on lettering that reads "Con Carne".
I was flipping channels today (hung over as hell--my friend from HS and some time writing partner was in town visiting and we tried our best Hemingway impressions last night) and I saw a show on the cartoon network called EVIL CON CARNE. What a great title.
Anyone seen this cartoon? I didn't watch it, the flashing colors were too much.
The price is wrong, bitch
12.11.03 (8:53 pm) [edit]While I was in the shower today -- with the shower spray nearest to the edge of the tub without going over -- I thought of Bob Barker.
---begin backpedaling---
It was in context because I'm considering getting a dog and I thought about whether I'd have to get it fixed and then I rememberd Bob's line at the end of every show: "Help control California's pet population. Have your pet spayed or neutered."
---end backpedaling---
Now that my thoughts were on THE PRICE IS RIGHT, I remembered the big wheel and how Bob was always able to call what it would land on a quarter turn away from it actually stopping.
Except this one day. I remembered the day that Bob was wrong. It must have been like the day the nation found out that Richard Nixon had lied to us, or the day we found out that eggs were bad for us.
Now I am upset. Bob -- you, with your pencil-thin microphone and your Barker's Beauties, you had me at hello. All that has been destroyed now. The Alpen Mountain Climber of my innoncence has da-dee-doo-dee'd over the edge of the cliff and is pummeling toward the plinko chips of disenchantment.
[LINE]
[LINE]
The "Very Best" of Fleetwood Mac
12.11.03 (10:05 am) [edit]Okay. I already own an album called FLEETWOOD MAC'S GREATEST HITS. This, despite the fact that it doesn't have LANDSLIDE on it, but that's a topic for another day.
Now they've come out with THE VERY BEST OF FLEETWOOD MAC. What gives? How many hits CD's can you have? It's not like they've put out new material since the last one.
This brings me to [b][i]Greatest Hits albums annoyance #1[/i][/b]: When artists put [i]new[/i] material on a Greatest Hits album. "Okay, buddy, I'll be the judge of whether it's a hit or not. I and the rest of the country, that is."
Now perhaps in Fleetwood Mac's case, their GH album was their most popular music, and BEST OF is more like the band's favorite songs.
[b][i]Greatest Hits albums annoyance #2: [/i][/b]Too many songs on the album. If you're TOM PETTY, then you can have a 2-disc greatest hits (he doesn't). If you're GREEN DAY, you can't. If you want to put out b-sides and a booklet of fingerpainting or awful poetry a la JEWEL, then put out a boxed set and force people to pay for your extra garbage.
Closely following is [b][i]Gretest Hits albums annoyance #3:[/i][/b] too few songs. BAD COMPANY put out a Greatest Hits album called TEN FROM SIX (ten hits from six albums). That's not even two memorable songs per album. And certainly don't brag about it in the title of your GH album. Hit the showers. (Though FEEL LIKE MAKING LOVE is fun to sing along to)
And finally, [b][i]Greatest Hits albums annoyance #4:[/i][/b] Greatest hits albums period. I'm ashamed of myself for taking the easy road and buying GH albums instead of the entire catalogs of some really great bands. Perhaps they shoud be banned. Certainly there should be some national vote about whether the band is even allowed to put one out. When I see N'SYNC CHRISTMAS on the shelves next to N'SYNC's 2-disc greatest hits, I'm tempted to go a little bit TRAVIS BICKLE, if you know what I mean.
Too Lazy to Work, Too Nervous to Steal
12.10.03 (11:59 pm) [edit]I recently read this book by John Clausen on "How to Have a Great Life As a Freelance Writer". Aside from the catchy title, it wasn't that great and further served to depress me.
Yes, it appears I will have to keep working at a desk to make rent.
Damn.
Lady in a white dress, white parasol
12.08.03 (11:15 pm) [edit]This is one of my favorite movie quotes of all time, from CITIZEN KANE. It is spoken by the character of Mr. Bernstein:
[i]A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl. [/i]
Lyrics on my blog
12.08.03 (9:35 pm) [edit]Many of you are familiar with the rotating lyrics that appear on the left side of my blog. I allow others to submit lyrics to add to the rotation.
I thought that to date, nobody was doing this. Until, that is, I finally received a notification from lycos (who provides the script for rotating text) that someone had added a lyric.
Turns out, there were about thirty such lyrics waiting to be approved by me -- they hadn't notified me.
Thanks to everyone who attempted to improve my blog but were ignored by lycos. Now, everyones submitted lyrics are in rotation.
Thanks again!
A small Thai woman made me sick
12.07.03 (5:34 pm) [edit]Yesterday my girlfriend and I, along with another couple, went to Hollywood for "Authentic Thai Massages". We were in the room for an hour and it was incredible...except I felt sick to my stomach afterwards and continue to feel mildly sick today.
Since the massage had elements of Yoga and chiropractic to it, perhaps the toxins are coming out of my body and manifesting themselves as my stomach pain.
Thoughts?
bryan adams covering oasis
12.06.03 (1:08 pm) [edit]I'm listening to the radio right now and on comes Bryan Adams covering Oasis. And it's WONDERWALL, of course.
Welcome to my personal hell.
Cheap Chinese Pencils
12.06.03 (12:46 pm) [edit]I've recently decided to go back to #2 pencils as my writing instrument of choice.
Perhaps it's my own search for authenticity.
I went to the store to buy some pencils, and I was expecting to find the usual suspects: Dixon Ticonderoga, Mead, etc.
What I found was a 10-pack of Penway #2 pencils with the word "China" on the side.
I'm on the third one, and have yet to be able to sharpend it without breaking the lead about a half-inch down from the tip. Then the lead just falls out.
Pieces of crap!
What's TGIF in Italian?
12.05.03 (10:19 pm) [edit]Today, in the locker room at they gym, there were a bunch of old Italian men who had just finished pruning in the sauna. They were chattering away in Italian, and a heavyset old man began trying to convince his skinny counterpart to go into the jacuzzi with him.
When a group of them was about to leave, the heavyset man said to the skinny one, "TGIF, Marco. TGIF."
Then the skinny man turned and yelled, "Hey! TGIF! TGIF!"
Now, today is Friday. But is that coincidence? Any Italian speakers out there?
Call-me-cha-way-ke-lah
12.04.03 (9:52 pm) [edit]This is my favorite REM lyric of all time, from "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite".
I listened to that song for two years before I found the lyrics on the web: Call me when you try to wake her up.
It's not about depth, but breadth.
Cell phones and the lost art of planning
12.04.03 (9:39 pm) [edit]Now that cell phones are around, we as humans have completely forgotten the art of planning.
Whereas we used to say, "Meet me by the third pillar on the 2nd deck of the loge level along the 3rd base line -- you know, the one that has the Krispy Kreme ad on it, but used to have the hot dog condiments attached to it. Meet me there at 9:23PM or else we'll rendevous there every 15 minutes until we meet up."
Now we say, "when you land in California give me a call".
500 t-bucks to the first person who finds...
12.04.03 (7:44 pm) [edit]... a link to a scientific article explaining why people listen to music at intolerably high volume levels when they're drunk.
I'm good for it...trust me...
Two Buck Chuck... Take me away!
12.04.03 (6:28 pm) [edit]Writer's block is at an all new high, or low, depending how you look at it.
I popped the cork on a fine bottle of Two Buck Chuck this evening. (For those of you who don't know, Two Buck Chuck is the street name for Charles Shaw's wines which all sell at Trader Joe's for $2 and are, for the price, quite decent).
Hoping to be inspired, I actually consciously decided to drink out of the Niebaum-Coppola wine glass I got at their vineyard. (I watched PATTON the other day, and was surprised to find out that Francis Ford co-wrote it...). My hope was that the Niebaum-Coppola glass would help me with my writer's block.
It did (or perhaps it was the Two Buck Chuck, and tomorrow I'll re-read what I have and find out that it's complete Schlitz).
Now I'm listening to Zeppelin hoping to find more LOTR references.
Good thing Hemingway never made wine.
Led Zeppelin and Lord of the Rings
12.04.03 (12:44 pm) [edit]Any of you Zeppelin fans out there notice how many LOTR references there are in their songs? I'm sure you have. Here's some examples...
[u]Ramble On[/u]
...
Mine’s a tale that can’t be told,
My freedom I hold dear;
How years ago in days of old
When magic filled the air,
T’was in the darkest depths of mordor
I met a girl so fair,
But gollum, and the evil one crept up
And slipped away with her.
Her, her....yea.
Ain’t nothing I can do, no.
...
[u]The Battle of Evermore[/u]
...
The pain of war cannot exceed the woe of aftermath,
The drums will shake the castle wall, the ring wraiths ride in black, Ride on.
...
Were the members of the band big fans or something?
Cell phone calls w/ bad connections
12.02.03 (9:43 pm) [edit]Whenever I'm on a cell-to-cell call, and I'm certain that I'm not the one with the bad reception, I hang up as though the call was dropped. This always gets the other person to call back, and they usually wait until their reception is better.
Does this make me rude?
