Character names
01.29.04 (10:28 pm) [edit]Proof that real life is the best source for material:
My father was required to take dance classes at his private school back in the 50's. His teacher: JOSH COCKY. You can guess from which side of the plate he took BP.
I was introduced to a friend's parents a couple of summers ago. Their names: GAY and RANDY. As in, "Hi, we're gay and randy." "Nice to meet you, I'm charmed and gregarious."
Anyone else?
a close one
01.29.04 (8:48 pm) [edit]I had the rather unsettling experience today of seeing a preview for a movie that, in the preview, looked identical to the movie I'm currently working on.
This could tell me a few things:
I'm writing something so unoriginal that someone else could easily come up with it. Perhaps, but I don't think so. I happen to think I came by my plot very organically and individually.
The preview didn't tell the whole story. Bingo! I read a more detailed synopsis of this movie and it's not similar at all. Yes, it shares several high-level plot beats or character-types with my story, but that's all.
Whew!
Golden Globs
01.26.04 (11:42 pm) [edit]Wow...I watched the last hour of the Golden Globes yesterday and, dude, they must have handed out shrooms at the door. The oldies were out of control -- Michael Douglas, Danny DeVito, Al Pacino, Clint Eastwood -- all about as articulate as George W would be after being hit with a horse tranq.
I hope the Oscars aren't that cracked out. Good, jumpin' Jesus!
Tapas: more than just small plates
01.24.04 (4:35 pm) [edit]I went to a Yoga seminar today that taught "Tapas Yoga". I guess Tapas, in sanskrit, means "purification". So, our goal was to purify ourselves by burning Karma. Hard-core practitioners of this will do tree pose for 11 hours at a stretch, for example, to get themselves closer to God.
We did 2 hours of Yoga, probably about 10 poses total, 5 minutes each. It was killer, but I feel great. Now, when I go out to the bars tonight, I'll at least start off pure.
Attn. Steve Martin: America's love affair with you is over
01.23.04 (9:52 pm) [edit]SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE...fine
FATHER OF THE BRIDE...not my cup of tea, but respectable
PARENTHOOD...some funny moments
LA STORY...take out the road sign and it's a funny movie.
BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE...Oh my holy God. I must give credit to Queen Latifa's agent for successfully converting her to an actress (and a better one than she is a rapper -- like Will Smith)...but this movie should never have been made.
Note to studio: Next time you think it'd be funny to have an old white guy say things like "pop a cap" and "mad props yo", just pay people to stand outside of America's theaters and kick moviegoers in the crotch for $9.50 a pop. It'd save you miles of film and hours of heartache.
BTW, I saw this movie months ago and was just recently re-enraged when I saw the movie at Blockbuster.
Chinese New Year and how I became a hippie
01.22.04 (8:16 pm) [edit]Happy Chinese New Year to all of you out there. We're embarking on the Yang year of the Wood Monkey. In the immortal words of Bill Murray, "I've got that going for me, which is nice."
However, I was told that you're supposed to get a haircut prior to the Chinese New Year and that if you got one afterwards (shortly afterwards, that is), it meant you were cutting off your prosperity. Now, I don't know how you out there in blog land make money, but to curtail my prosperity, you'd have to cut off something other than my hair!
My fingers...I work with computers.
In any event, it looks like I won't be getting a haircut for some time. Oh well, I guess I'll start looking like a hippie.
Not everybody loves Raymond
01.21.04 (11:21 pm) [edit]If Ray Romano ever appears on the big screen, I may have to officially throw in the towel. How can I write for an industry that creates entertainment for a nation who apparantly loves an individual who is as profoundly un-funny as Ray freakin' Romano?
No, tell me. How?
I'm a pundit, I'm a mouthpiece, I'm a wonk.
01.21.04 (10:06 am) [edit]That's my submission for the tBlog tshirt (or is it Tee Blog Tee Shirt, or even t-blog t-shirt?).
I think Sam Adams and Winston Smith would wear that with pride.
Go ahead... talk to yourself
01.13.04 (10:05 pm) [edit]Since, now that we have hands-free sets for cell phones, it's now okay to walk down the street and look like you're talking to yourself, I think we ought to give all crazy people a hands-free earbud.
I guarantee their pseudo-religious mumbo jumbo and four-letter exhortations will seem a lot less random than what most of the whiteshirts are talking about.
I bet it'll be a hit in LA since, contrary to what you may have heard, we have a lot of crazy people.
Company Lunch? Thanks for nothing
01.11.04 (10:53 pm) [edit]One of my least favorite institutions in corporate America has to be the company lunch. Under the guise of a "thank you" from management, each employee is given what amounts to $4.38 worth of food which, in order to get, they have to:
a) listen to a rambling speech by the CEO
b) stand in line
c) eat with plastic utensils
What does the company get? They get everyone to stay in the office for lunch, which inevitably mean they'll take less than their alotted hour.
It also reduces your coworkers to animals who will step over their own mothers for $4.38 worth of food. What's worse than that? YOU MOTHERFUCKERS CAN HAVE THAT FOOD ANY DAY OF THE WEEK AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE FOR IT!
It just comes down to the bottom line about work that bosses don't seem to get:
IF YOU WANT TO THANK ME FOR A JOB WELL DONE, YOU GIVE ME A) CASH OR B) TIME OFF.
Not a goddamn gyro.
Arnold promises that all charts will go ups
01.10.04 (7:01 pm) [edit]SACRAMENTO (AP) - Governor Schwarzenegger announced Friday his new policy that all future charts and graphs released by his office, "must show a pattern of going ups, always ups."
Schwarzenegger added, "even statistics such as unemployment which are bad" should be shown on graphs in an upward trend. "We could call it un-unemployment or something. Maybe just call it employment. No uns."
The administration's hope is that the suggestion that everything is moving in a positive direction will help things actually move in a positive direction.
Schwarzenegger is expected to make an announcement Monday regarding the state's rising un-domestic violence as well as the state's rapidly growing un-illegal immigration.
Hackers heckle drive-in diners
01.10.04 (9:38 am) [edit]This is the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time.
And those Brits, with their alliteration...
Buddha boble head
01.08.04 (8:19 pm) [edit]I woke up this morning convinced that I had the next big idea for some kitchy piece of crap that would sell like the proverbial hotcakes (or flapjacks if you prefer).
Of course, like Communism and Burritos, the good ideas are already taken.
But this image...this freaks me out. I would have made my Buddha bobble head calmer and less like a coke freak.
Pardon me, but it's a Honda
01.08.04 (8:05 pm) [edit]Yesterday some guy was zipping all over and around the Arroyo Seco Parkway in LA (without signalling -- a rant for another time) in all of his tinted-window, clear-taillights, mounted fire extinguisher glory. He'd pass everyone, then slow down, then take his Ridalin, then speed up again...over and over and over.
It was like he was in a road race in his head.
And all I could think was: Hey. Dude. It's a Honda.
inflight yoga
01.08.04 (7:01 pm) [edit]JetBlue offers this...
.Now, of course it's not the same as a 2 hour Ashtanga class, but I like the idea. Being a tall person, I always do yoga whenever the inconsiderate, bald redneck in front of me reclines his seat so he can be 3 degrees more reclined while taking up the two inches of leg room I had.
Breathe. Breathe.
Blog, Forrest, Blog
01.06.04 (11:22 pm) [edit]I [i]was [/i]happily ascending the Hot Blogs list -- I claim at parties to have seen my blog ranked in the mid-sixties, though high-seventies is more like it. (I'm sure there's a weather joke that could be made here, but I can't think of it...help?) -- but then I stopped blogging for the holidays and now I'm almost off the list.
Quick...opinions about minutia...
Deleted scenes from COYOTE UGLY
01.06.04 (11:19 pm) [edit]Wow.
With good movies, like APOCALYPSE NOW, you want to see extra footage to see how good it could have been. (At least, that's what they're hoping you'll think.)
On the other end of the spectrum are the deleted scenes from a movie like COYOTE UGLY. What did they actually cut from this frigging thing?
I have seen it, and I have wept.
Free full-length digital exam
01.06.04 (12:16 am) [edit]So, we were making flyers for a company that offers free online SAT diagnostic exams. Only, the flyers had a typo: Free full-length digital exam.
Still kindof makes sense, so it wasn't that big of a deal until some doctor friends pointed out that a digital exam is what men from the ages of 40-60 should get more of.
I leave it up to you to determine what a "full-length" digital exam would be.
Going Von Dutch
01.02.04 (11:45 am) [edit]The lead headline of the LA Times Calendar section for 1/2/04. The caption under the lead photo is: "FOCUSING ON FASHION: Designer Christian Audigier wants to move Von Dutch into trendier, pricier wares."
What on God's sunny earth could be trendier or pricier than foam and mesh trucker caps that sell for $42 to $125 (prices quoted in the article)?
Are we talking $500 mud flaps with Yosemite Sam on them, guns drawn, with the caption "BACK OFF".
Are we talking $80 stickers depicting Calvin pissing on --insert something you don't like here--.
Is there anything more irritating than white trash cum celebrity like Britney Spears paying $42 - $125 to be what she was to start with?
On my American-made, uber-SUV with the tinted windows and huge Bad Boys decal, I would have Calvin pissing on Von Dutch.
Bienvenidos a Chinatown
01.02.04 (9:37 am) [edit]This is one of my favorite signs in all of LA. It's near Olvera Street, known by some as "The Birthplace of Los Angeles". It's basically a cool little street with Mexican restaurants and shops and healthy dose of all things Mexican.
Olvera Street also happens to be right next to Chinatown -- hence the sign.
For all I know there's a sign in Chinese saying "Welcome to Olvera Street". I'll get back to you on that one.
